What does "Peaceful parenting" means?
Peaceful parenting is a philosophy developed by Laura Markham, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist.
Shifting your parenting approach is a big transition, and you can expect some ups and downs as you and your whole family learn new patterns of relating.
This concept can be understood well by dividing it into 3 main sub-points :-
- Regulating emotions as parents
- Connecting/Reconnecting with your children
- Coaching instead of controlling
Being successful in peaceful parenting is this focus on mindfulness. This means that you live in the moment of whatever is going on in your house and with your kids. Knowing, Accepting, Understanding, and Talking is very very essential.
Peaceful Parenting is often confused with:- “If your child cries You are not practicing PEACEFUL PARENTING”, Peaceful parent means you let your child explore everything he/she feels . So crying is a part of it.
5 Simple Habits to Practice Peaceful Parenting :-
1:- Make sure you and your little one is happy while spending quality time with you.
Many times all children need is your attention. Scrolling on a phone while spending time with your little one might not be a good idea. Wherever you go, whatever you do try interacting with your child. Regulate your emotions. Sometimes as a parent everything might seem overwhelming, Regulating your emotion taking a deep breath and asking your child a simple question might help prevent the mess .
2:- Reaffirmation of the bond you share.
Due to hectic work schedules, connecting with your child might get a little difficult. This makes the little ones feel bad about themselves. To connect with your child these are a few tips you can follow:-
a – Have at least one meal of the day with your child.
b – Fix 15 mins play time without any limits and distractions with your child.
c – Make sure you let them know how much they mean to you at least once a day.
3: – Stop saying “NO”
Well, does this mean you listen to every demand your child makes? For eg :- Give them chocolates whenever they want? Or if they start crying for a toy in a shop ,which you know he/she wont play with after 2 days?
Well of course “NO”.
What I mean by stop saying no is basically try to be positive and make your child understand after you listen to them.
So instead of directly reacting you can use such phrases.
“Well, If I give you chocolates right now , who’s going to eat the delicious lunch Mumma has made for you?”
“Okay Let’s buy this toy but won’t “Name of fav toy” feel bad if you don’t play with it. ?”
Avoid saying “NO” and replace it with positive affirmations.
4:- Coaching instead of controlling
That’s right, we haven’t done it before. Most of us don’t naturally default to coaching. We weren’t raised that way, so we don’t have a model for it. We’re not going to hear the phrase “coach instead of control” and just know what to do with that.
You might wonder how on earth your little one will listen to you without harsh consequences. Or if losing the power of yelling and punishment will make you look weak. But what’s interesting is that in peaceful parenting, the compliance and good behavior tends to come after you take this power dynamic away.
At times it get’s difficult. If your child starts playing with something valuable , You can’t stop and react immediately “GIVE IT BACK TO ME, THAT’S NOT A THING YOU SHOULD PLAY WITH”
But has it helped? no not really, The next time stop yourself and guide your child ” Dear ,The thing you’re playing with is very valuable so once you’re done playing please hand it back to me and don’t forget to be careful.” Try this and you might see a lot of crying ,unpleasant environment will be avoided on its own.
This principal is mentioned in “Montesorri”
5:-Disobedience is always a thing to deal with :-
If your child does not accept your direction (“I don’t care what you say, you can’t make me!”), it’s always an indication that your relationship is not strong enough to support the teaching. This happens to all of us from time to time. At that point, stop and think about how to strengthen your relationship, not how to make your child “mind.” Turning the situation into a power struggle will just deepen the rift between you.
Happy Parenting :))